Tuesday, 7 December 2010

Square One

I feel like I am back at square one, I always feel like that at this time - at the end of my period. It makes my hormones go crazy which in turn makes my nerves go insane. Added to that the cold weather has made it almost impossible for me to function as usual and go outside. I have also allowed myself to relapse by letting the cold keep me indoors in a safe and more comfortable cocoon. I have been feeding the nerves and anxiety like I used to do, and even when I have been indoors I have let all the things I have learned (to fight against my anxiety and agoraphobia) run away from my mind. Everything has been against me going outside regularly, but I should have fought against it more. The past few days have been like hell, feeling so fittish and awful - and instead of letting go and not caring if I have a seizure, I have been giving into extreme panic and am letting the fear grip me once again. From tomorrow I must start to let go of the control that I cling to so tightly - this is the key to my recovery.

Anxiety is a bully that you have to beat by standing up to it.


1 comment:

  1. Hi Esther,

    Thank you for your honest outlook on life and allowing me to have a glimpse into your conflictive world that resonates with my struggles in life -- the panic attacks, the resistance to leaving my apartment...

    Kind regards, VD