The time has finally come to make a decision. And I am ready to make that decision.
I had originally chosen financial safety and security, so that I could buy my own home and become a mother in 10 years time.
But I think I was wrong about everything - I don't want to be paying off a mortgage for the rest of my life (I can just get a council place like I planned), and I don't think having a baby is the best idea. I was just feeling emotional about it and broody, but somehow I think that doing other things like travelling the world, and maybe doing excavations in different countries is a much better idea.
I focused so much on the most sensible decision, everything was about me doing this so that I could have a child.
But the best thing for me, I think, is to do something that I love. I could enjoy the beauty of history so much, and history seems to capture me so completely that I can never let it go. I long to travel the world (like I used to), and go on excavations abroad. There is so much that I can do with my life which means that I would really be living my life for the first time.
So, in conclusion, I have chosen the path of working towards something I love, and actually living for once!